This is my annual repost of the blog I originally posted 07/05/05 (on another site):
July 4th marks my own declaration of independence. The idea was born in
the last week of June and solidified into a statement this weekend.
Here is my declaration of independence: I will no longer make excuses for those who neglect me or mistreat me.
that doesn't sound monumental to you, but it is a monumental decision
for me. In the past, I've made excuses for those I loved. My husband
couldn't get a job? I understood he was depressed and got a job myself
to support the family. Meanwhile, he ran around on me while I was at
work and/or lived off me and pulled me deeper in debt. My boyfriend
didn't call? He was busy and I needed to give him space. What a chump I
All this "understanding" only led to the long, drawn out
murder of the relationship. And, only last week, I decided "NO MORE!"
OK, so I'm a slow-learner.
This is what I've gotten from my
declaration of independence...I don't have to feel guilty because I
break up with someone who doesn't meet my needs. Breaking up with him
doesn't mean he's a bad person or I'm a bad person--it just means that,
together, we aren't good.
Last week, I faced the fact that the
thrill I felt when my boyfriend called did not make up for the 3 or 4
days between calls. I had to admit that I NEED more attention than he
gave. I'd explained to him how I felt when he called, hoping that would
spur him to call more often. It didn't. I decided I didn't want to spend
any more time feeling neglected.
So, here I am making my
declaration of independence--not from a man, but from my own
insecurities. I will face my needs squarely and not compromise on the
meeting of those needs. It's a great, big world out there and I will
eventually meet the one whose needs are met through filling my
needs--and whose needs I meet as well.
I didn't come to this
conclusion until recently. If I'd come to it earlier, I would have saved
myself, and others, a bit of pain. However, I think that everything
that has happened to me so far has made me who I am today--and I like
that person, so I don't want to change the past. I just want a little
more control over my future.